Who writes this CRAP? A Comcast customer service note (with annotations)

I recently wrote my cable, internet and phone provider a note.

Dear Comcast,

I signed up for E-Billing unfortunately for the last several months you have not sent me a bill or notification that I had a bill. On the website, it encourages your customers to use e-billing. I like that, it is handy not to receive all that mail and to get notifications in my email - that way I can pay my bill wherever I am in the world. Good for me and it saves you all those expenses of billing. But this system cannot work unless you send me periodic notifications of my bill. Every other company that has electronic bills does that. Your site claims that is what will happen with Comcast. But it did not. I've rechecked my email and also my Comcast email box and have received no electronic notifications. Until Comcast can assure me that I will receive the electronic bills or notifications I will go back to paper billing. Is there a way to fix this problem?

SY,

Drtaxsacto

I got the following response (I've added annotations because I cannot resist):

Dear Drtaxsacto -

Thank you for contacting Comcast Digital Voice. My name is XXXXXX and I certainly understand it is frustrating not to receive your monthly statement electronically when you had chosen to receive your bill electronically. I know this matter is important to you. Gee, XXXXXX, I am so happy that you feel my pain, could you give me an idea of how many courses in psychobabble you have to take to be a customer service representative?

First of all, I apologize for the unpleasant experience you had recently with our E-billing system and thank you for bringing this matter to our attention. We appreciate hearing about any unsatisfactory situations so corrective action can be taken, thus increasing our level of customer satisfaction. That does not mean we are going to do anything about it but we want to make sure you know even if we don't act we do care. I have forwarded your comments to the appropriate members of our development and management teams for further review and action. Actually the role of a customer service representative is quite powerless. I just am supposed to string together a bunch of canned phrases which are not directly responsive to your question.

I understand you did not receive notifications in your email that your monthly statements were already available online and we apologize for the inconvenience this has caused you. Dear XXXXXX, I really don't want your understanding or even your sympathy, what I do want is the electronic copies of the bills. If you would like to change your preference in receiving your monthly bill, you may do so by visiting your online account. I am providing below some general information about our online billing system. I did change it back to paper billing because you cannot seem to send me electronic bills, as you promised to do. I said that in my original note.

With Comcast's Online Bill Pay site, you can view your current statement, your bill summary for up to the past six months, and up to the past year of full statements. For your convenience you can also print your statements for your records. Whoopdie frickin doo, any company worth its salt has online access to bills - what I want is an email copy of the bill you once sent by mail.

Note: When you first enroll in online billing, it will take a full billing cycle (up to thirty days) before your statement will be
available for viewing. Statements will not be available online that were issued prior to your enrollment. Actually XXXXXX, you can see your bill online whether you sign up for online billing or not.

To access online billing to view your statement, visit the following link and login, or follow the instructions for first time users: Gee, if I already signed up for online billing - which caused the problem - don't you think I have an idea about how to see my statement?

https://www.comcast.com/Corporate/Customers/CustomerCentral.html

Once you are logged in, click the Go button under View My Bill. To view your previous statements, click the View Paper Statement link on the View My Bill screen.

To Print a statement, click Printable Version from your current statement, or navigate to the statement you wish to print and select the print option from the statement pop-up.

To change your paper statement selection (opt to receive/not receive a paper statement), click the "statement delivery" link from the View My Bill section.

For more assistance in the future, you may contact us by simply replying to this email. You may also contact us through Live Chat by logging on to http://www.comcastsupport.com/cdvchat

For future reference, please take note of this case number: 20661393. Please refer to this number should you contact us regarding this same issue.

Thank you for choosing Comcast, Drtaxsacto. We value your business At this point we are simply not willing or able to answer your question directly. and have a great day. I guess having a great day is not a part of solving the problem I originally raised.

Sincerely,

XXXXXX
Comcast Online Customer Support

Note, this is more an object lesson about the idiotic heights that some companies go to look like they are providing customer service. Real responses not psychobabble which says "I understand" and "we appreciate your business" and "have a nice day" are simply no excuse for real responses. The length of a response does not correlate to its responsiveness.